No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
