Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
