i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
