Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
