If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
