it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
