shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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