How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
