the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
