I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
