She said her name was "party"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
