If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
