your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
