I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
