I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
