At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
