I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
