Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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