margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
