I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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