Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
