he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
cat food counts as protein by the way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
