There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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