in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
