Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
