I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
