We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
