I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My bed smells like the plague
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
