i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
