im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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