I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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