Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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