he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
