Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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