Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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