You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
