Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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