There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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