Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
