I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
