Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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