Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
