Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
