sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
