he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then my night got REAL pukey
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
