Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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