fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
