dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
