I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
