somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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