Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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