I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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