Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
