why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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